I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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