Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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