he wants to bone in the snuggie
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize