How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
