This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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