Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
