Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
