Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
