'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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