May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
