I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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