I just threw up on my dentist
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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