he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize