I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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