Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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