if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize