im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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