My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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