It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
