drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
