Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
