If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
