you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
