I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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