is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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