Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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