No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
