i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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