Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
