I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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