I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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