I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
