There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
