I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
