I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
