This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
