Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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