Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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