Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This baby is an asshole
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
