I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
