People with herpes should wear stickers.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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