Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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