Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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