This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize