Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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