hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
