You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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