Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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