I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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