so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
