the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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