I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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