What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
