I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
