I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
