discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
