i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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