True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
