i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
