I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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