How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
