I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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