Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
