Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
