As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
