My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
