I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
