I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
