I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
