...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
where are you?
Hypothermia
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
