I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
