If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
