He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
