Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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