Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
