i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
