dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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