Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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