I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize