I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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