god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
