Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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