oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
